Losing It

I think my wife is losing it
She’s been calling me a sinner
Why such a random statement
While summoning me to dinner

The constant accusations
That I’m slowly going deaf
Are followed by arbitrary requests
That I should donate to Unicef

At other times while preparing for lunch
She asks me to barbeque a steak
And then out of the blue I hear a squeal
That she saw a garden snake

I’m really beginning to worry
That something’s going wrong
Perhaps her capricious mumblings
Are the result of smoking a bong

At least it’s good that one of us
Hasn’t yet lost their marbles
I feel so sad for my partner in life
That her speech has reduced to gargles

It’s been difficult for me to interpret
Her daily needs and desires
I often have to take a guess
While shopping for her at Myers

Did she want the new bed linen
Made from Egyptian cotton
Or did she want me to book tickets
For the musical “Something Rotten”

It’s tiring for me to never know
What the other wants to say
If only I knew how to interpret
The sound of a horse’s neigh

I’ll take a break and have a gin
And settle into my couch
My shoes and socks have been removed
And now I’m ready to slouch

I’ve just turned on the nightly news
And feel ill with diarrhea
Some lunatic called Ronald Crump
Has just bombed North Nouméa