Filthy Rich

Soon I’ll be a billionaire
A recent email confirmed it
I just have to accept my heritage claim
From deceased General Abandit

He’s a long lost relative on my mother’s side
I thought she was from Siberia?
Turns out her passport was incorrect
And she was actually born in Nigeria

So that makes me the next of kin
To an unimaginable stash
Of gold, diamonds and fancy cars
And bank vaults full of cash

My deeds have been declared secure
In the Central Nigerian Bank
Within a safe deposit box
My lucky stars I should thank

To help ease the transaction
I need to forward a fee
To the solicitor acting on my behalf
Alphonso Skulduggery

The required payment is just five thousand
The standard scheduled fee
To formalise the paperwork
From the bank’s appointed trustee

If all goes well I’ll be filthy rich
In precisely 4 weeks time
James Packer and I will become good friends
And life will be sublime

The corks will pop and champagne will flow
From dawn till late at night
I’ll lavish gifts on all my friends
And be rewarded with their delight

Fast forward to a year from now
The transaction is almost complete
Only one last payment to be made
For the deal to become concrete

The fees turned out to be rather high
Bureaucracy was at fault
Don’t worry though, my money is safe
It’s just stuck in a foreign vault

Fortunately I retained my car
Somewhere to live at least
But soon it will be in Alphonso’s hands
And my funds will be released