Duck Face

I want to enhance my selfie duck face
And launch myself into a happier place
Not wanting to resemble an ancient sturgeon
I’d better find a reputable surgeon

The plan is to look like Derek Zoolander
Perfect for me, the reserved Alexander
I’ll slant my head and reminisce
Puckering plump lips and blowing a kiss

I’ll become the star of the Facebook stage
A new incumbent of younger age
All will desire to be my friend
Transforming me into the latest trend

Perhaps I’ll repair some other features
And undertake additional procedures
My old birthday suit could do with a pressing
Brought back to new with some medical caressing

I’ll request a fuller head of hair
To cover my vacant thoroughfare
I’ll colour it with a formula Grecian
After transplanting from my southern region

The pièce de résistance, the ultimate coup
Something I’ll steal from a famous who’s who
An investment in silicone, a real dividend
A replica of Kim Kardashian’s famous rear end

A curly hairdo and silicone hips
With perfect skin and suction cap lips
A surefire recipe for future success
Although I’m starting to feel a little stress

I’m afraid I’ll be viewed as hazardous waste
And leave a feeling of sour bad taste
To those that knew me for what I was
And not a scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz

I want to grow old and take life on the chin
And not just end up in the recycle bin
I’ve decided to refrain from liposuction
And just opt for a penis reduction